Remembering Appa
It was not easy understanding my Appa. Even when Appa was provoked, he chose to remain non judgemental. He would say it is the sitauation, not the person. So, sometimes it felt like Appa was aloof. I would often argue saying he had to say something. But he would just say - Saramillai (doesn't matter), the sky has not fallen. And smile it away.
People collect money or houses or sarees or jewelry. Appa collected spiritual wealth the same way - be it through his regular Sandhyavandanam and Nitya Kriya, his Guru Bhakthi to Maha Periyava and following the Vedic tenets and way of life. Convenience was not the factor, nor was it done for popularity or name. Appa's value system and integrity were also iron-clad, no lying, cheating, saying rude or inappropraite words, treating all with respect, no slights, no power play, taking advantage of others etc. He was very very careful about what he accepted from others, be it as gifts. Runanu Bhandam - I may have to take birth once more he would say, just to repay this Runam or debt. His Guru had given him examples of not even accepting a lift from a friend as an example of Runanu Bandha.
Appa was also really careful not to fritter away his spiritual merit(Punya), guarding it very carefully. Not just a horader but also great at retaining it, staying true to his Accountant's profession. He definitely had his share of provocations, disrespect, power plays, slights and offenses thrown his way, he chose to ignore most of these despite being aware of it. He was good at gauging people and despite knowing how they operated and for what benefit, he chose to stay above it.
Appa's needs were simple and he lived a simple life. He developed a routine and struck to it, not wasting time. He loved his family - not just Amma and us, his kids but his siblings, cousins, Amma's family and friends, in a authentic fashion, without any judgement. Vasudeva Kutumbakam - was something I saw in action. Erudite, soft spoken, loved jokes and had his share of TV idiosyncracys like the Munshi, Asianet News, Sansad Samachar etc.
Appa once told me how it was easy to waste Punyam or spiritual merit - be it on material comforts beyond a limit or reacting to testing situations, insults etc. He also said when I do something good, there might be testing situations soon after. And this is when I would need to be on guard and not react, thus not frittering away the Punyam. If I could just hold on, it would make me stronger. And the urge to respond would go away.
Only now, it is beginning to make sense.
Munshi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlU0zDqhMXg