Language - a mirror to relationships
When we see wedding albums from about 2 decades ago, there would be one or two single pics of the couple, the rest were all group photos while the rituals happened. It would look crowded, natural and uncoordinated. Everyone wore their best and there was a lot of natural banter, laughter and music. You could see many family members from the family and extended family.
We have a rich vocabulary to describe the family relationships especially in South India. Tamil, my mother tongue and the one I am most fluent in has so many words. Not just Mother, Father, Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, Nieces, Nephews but also words for the many other relationships. The richness of the vocabulary reflected the importance of these relationships in everyday life.
We have Thaatha Paati, Amma Appa.
Amma's sister & husband and Appa's brother & wife are Periamma - Periappa( if older sibling), Chithi - Chitappa (younger).
Appa's sister & husband are Athai & Athimber.
Amma's brother & wife are Mama & Mami.
Mother-in-law, Father-in-law are Maamiyaar, Mamanaar.
Son-in-law, daughter-in-law are Mappillai, Matrupenn.
Co-sister(husband's brother's wife) is Orupadi.
Husband's elder brother's wife is Manni.
Husband's brother is Kozhandanaar.
Husband's sister is Nathanaar.
Cousins from Appa' brother and Amma's sisters are Anna, Akka, Thambi, Thangai.
Athai's son and daughter are Athaan and Athanga.
Mam's son & daughter are Amaanji and Amanga.
Onnu vitta (Nathanaar or Kozhundan) is second co-sister, co-brother.
These weren't merely names for relatives; they reflected people who had defined roles, responsibilities and expectations within the family e.g. In Wedding and other rituals, Athai, Mama had special roles.
We see the importance of these bonds reflected in the Ramayana, the Mahabharata, and other Indian epics. While romantic love has its place, it is only one among many relationships these stories explore. The bonds between parents and children, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren, and mentors and disciples are given equal—if not greater—importance.
All these bonds had a place in everyday life, the relationship with one's parents, siblings, grand-parents, cousins and others. And parents, siblings, elders were consulted about big decisions rather than informed as is the case today. Important decisions were never made in isolation or by individuals; there was a discussion with elders, more experienced people. It reflected families being more open to ideas and differences of opinion. And also showed the level of intimacy, confidence and importance in the relationships. Families and extended families treated any function in the family as their own, coming early and doing whatever they could to help.
Over the last two or three decades, there has been a shift to romantic love. Today, romantic love seems to occupy a much larger space in our culture than perhaps ever before.
Popular culture - be it Movies, Music, Books, Theater etc celebrates this one relationship at the cost of others.
When so much emotional significance is invested in a single relationship, the wedding itself becomes a defining life event.
And expectations surrounding the partner, the ceremony and the marriage have become extraordinarily high.
I often wonder when this shift happened. Was it cinema, film music, novels and theatre that increasingly celebrated one relationship above all others? Was it urbanization, smaller families, migration for work, or growing individualism?
Whatever the causes, something seems to have changed. The extended family has gradually moved from the centre of our social lives to the periphery. Many of the relationships that once carried clear roles and expectations have become less central, and in some cases, even the vocabulary that described them is fading from everyday use.
Languages preserve what societies value. When a language has dozens of words for family relationships, it tells us something about the world that created those words. Perhaps, as those words disappear from daily life, they remind us not just of a changing language, but of a changing way of living.